Betrayal

“Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any of those is the loss of all three.” — Ziad K. Abdelnour

What is considered betrayal?

Betrayal comes from many sources: self-betrayal, peer betrayal, love betrayal, country betrayal (unpatriotism) — but all of which concludes the same ground of actions: breaking promises, being disloyal, deteriorating trust, consuming one’s confidence when truly committed to something else.

Oftentimes, we misjudge what a betrayal looks like. According to Cambridge Dictionary, betray means to not be loyal to your country or a person, often by doing something harmful as helping their enemies. Oxford dictionary; furthermore, defines betray as hurting someone who trusts you, especially by not being loyal or faithful to them.

One could misdefine betrayal as the type of action which could only be regarded if and only if both parties had (written or verbal) consent toward one another. For instance, one believes revealing the company’s trade secret to the competitor isn't considered a betrayal since it was not written in the employment’s terms and conditions, stealing your friend’s business idea and implementing it isn't considered a betrayal because the idea has not been patented, or simply preferring one child over another isn’t considered a betrayal because it is a natural feeling of parenthood, so on and so forth. One would believe if two people have not agreed to a certain level of commitment can not be considered as being betrayed when one person breaks the promises or trusts.

What is exactly considered betrayal?

In marriage, relationship, flirtationship or seeing each other stage, regardless of what stage of relationship you are in, it is a betrayal when one person has a secret sexual admiration towards somebody else, of the same or opposite sex, to whatever extent, when the person is currently with you. It is called “soft-cheating” if the person breaks your trust or lies to you when involving a third party, even if there is no certificate of marriage, prenuptial agreement, or a written consent between the two parties. Betrayal involves either emotion or action, and it is not considered anything less than betrayal without the latter.

Why are you being betrayed?

Oftentimes, the “victims”, simply the party which has been betrayed, tries to find flaws in themselves to mark upon what goes wrong. He/she tries to understand whether the problems come from them- that they are not good enough, that things would probably get better if he/she behaves differently or whether he/she could go with the flow. But it was never one of the assumptions or questions. It is a matter of fact that the person betrays you because they choose to betray, that they believe to be an advantage, that they enjoy exercising the right of betraying for their own goods.

If your colleagues reveal your company’s trade secret to your competitors, it is because it can be exchanged for personal interest, money interest, or other benefits. If your friends steal your business idea to implement, whether or not it has been patented as your originality, they do it for their own advantage. If your parents/ relatives prefer the other child over you, it is because of their personal interest, and it has nothing to do with you. When your partner or partner-to-be betrays you, whether it is through emotional, verbal, or physical interaction, it is because they enjoy it, and simply have nothing to be with you or your value.

The point is, you are not to be blamed when you are betrayed, and it is indeed not your fault for being taken for granted. You can not keep what does not want to be kept, and it’s torturous to put yourself at blame for things you can't control.

What to do when you are betrayed?

If you are betrayed, by any means:

• find your closest family member, advisor, or personal consultant who makes you feel unjudged, heard, and understood, to talk things out and seek help.
• maintain your emotional strengths — understand that you are imperfect and that is what makes you unique — and minimize comparing yourself to the person(s) you are betrayed for.
• try to reduce social interaction with those who betray you and do not impress or do what makes them feel they lost you. Karma comes around — people reap what they sow — it will all make sense naturally.

If you are betrayed, by any means, remember you are not alone. Remember you are a human who is supposed to make mistakes. Even the late Princess of Wales, Princess Diana, whose traits are what every woman wishes to be, was also betrayed.

If you are betrayed, by any means, remember:

“You need not chase the wrong ones because the right ones won’t run”